Imperfection

The Hawkeyes lost on Saturday. This loss marks the end of their "perfect" season. Their quarterback got injured early in the game. Their back-up wasn't quite ready for the job. They lost 14-10.

I missed the first part of the game because I was at a conference for adoptive families. The keynote speaker was Dr. Steve Kahn. While he is an adoptive parent himself, and was speaking to a room full of adoptive parents, his message was fairly universal to all parents. He spoke about the power of parenting in moments of imperfection. He talked primarily about how we, as parents, might react to the mistakes our children will make and about the disappointments they will face. What I took away was that pre-adolescent kids make fairly predictable mistakes. What differs more greatly is how parents react.

He encouraged the use of discipline, but with compassion and perspective. This might sound like common sense. But, as I've already discovered, when your child repeatedly does something "wrong" (in Jaden's case like running into the street or playing with the stove knobs) it is sometimes very difficult to remain calm and loving.

One thing he said really stuck with me. It was a variation on the theme that life is "10% circumstance 90% what one does with those circumstances." He fit this into a spiel encouraging us to let our kids know that bad things can happen in a day without it having to ruin a day. Again, this sounds simple and maybe even cliche. But, I think it did me some good to hear it.

So, when the Hawkeyes lost later that day I told Jaden (and myself) it was okay. They are still a great team, and I am still one of their biggest fans. And when Jaden makes inevitable mistakes, I'll still think he is amazing and will always be his biggest fan.