The hardest part

It's been a while. Since what? Since I've updated this blog. Since I've heard from my agency. Since we applied for adoption. Since we started to try and become parents. The other night I asked Dustin what he looks forward to most in the upcoming months. His response: "Not waiting anymore." I couldn't agree more.

I used to refer to infertility as purgatory -- never knowing when (or if) parenthood would come upon us. As we changed gears towards adoption there was a certain feeling of elation that came. We had the waiting thing down, and on the end of this wait is a child. A family. That was so liberating. But, now...I'm tired of waiting. Again.

There really isn't a choice, of course. So we will continue down this path. We keep going out and making purchases. We bought the crib, the changing table, a stroller, a mattress and Dino. In our various trips to the baby warehouse store, I became attached to a stuffed dinosaur. I went so far as to carry it around the store as Dustin and I discussed the pros and cons of various pieces of furniture. He was mortified. When we bought the crib, I bought Dino too. He is now my surrogate child. Do you think I'm certifiable? It gets better. As soon as we assembled the stroller, I put Dino in it and went around the house. Dustin forbid me from going outside with him. Now that the crib and changing table are here, I move Dino from place to place. I've strapped him onto the changing table. I've put him to bed and covered him with his blanket. Why? Partly because it is funny. Partly because Dino is so ridiculously cute. Partly because it makes Dustin think I'm nuts (but I think he secretly likes it too.) But mostly, because I'm just so tired of waiting.