Sleep

This is it. The only picture I have over the past two months of Jaden sleeping. It was taken on the plane ride home. That was almost two months ago. I want more. There is nothing that pulls on my heart more than seeing him with his butt up in the air, his thumb in his mouth, in the glorious state of sleep. But, I'm scared. It isn't worth it. What if he...wakes up? It's not worth the risk right now. Maybe later.

I've debated whether or not to blog on the topic of sleep. It seems like most parents and non-parents seem to think "duh...that's just parenting" whenever I broach the topic. I guess I didn't get it. Those close to me know I wrestled for weeks to try and figure out how to get Jaden to sleep through the night in his crib. And then, two weeks ago, I gave up. I threw in the towel. I quit. Here was our life preceding said moment.

1. 7-8 pm Bedtime
2. Sometime between 11 and 1 First wake-up. Rock to sleep. Put back in crib.
3. 15 to 45 minutes later Next wake up. Rock to sleep. Put back in crib. Pray.
4. 5 to 30 minutes later Next wake up. Walk to sleep. Go and tell spouse how frustrated you are. Put back in crib. Pray. Eat a cookie to keep blood-sugar up during wee hours.
5. Repeat until around 5 am.
6. 7 am Wake up.

Ick. Yes, I've read the Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child which told me I'm reinforcing his crying by picking him up. We went to a doctor who specializes in international adoption who told us that we would not hurt Jaden emotionally if we let him cry-it-out as long as he knew we were still there. (She told us to wave at him from across the room. Really.) We tried that for three nights, not waving but laying next to his crib on a mattress. He certainly held up his end of the bargain by crying. Incessantly. That sucked (understatement). So, I read the No-Cry Sleep Solution which gave me a step-by-step method to get Jaden to sleep in his crib by himself with no crying. Albeit, the proposed plan would take a few months. I posted on an international adoption website looking for ideas. I spoke with my parents and sister and discussed this topic ad naseum. And then, I stopped. I no longer filled out sleep logs; I stopped obsessing about the number of hours Jaden was sleeping in a 24-hour cycle. I asked my husband if it was okay if we just gave up for a while. He, mercifully, said yes.

About an hour before I made the decision to bag it, I had a "sleep plan" ready from the Pantley book. I was going to type it up, post it on my mirror and implement it in my typical Type-A fashion. At some point I spoke with my sister and I think she asked me an intriguing question like "why?". I had an answer then. I'm not sure what it was. But after I hung up with her I started to think. "Why?" Who says this little boy who has been with us for less than two months has to make it 10-12 hours in his crib, by himself, without us there to parent him? Why does he have to know how to "sleep through the night"? (which, by the way, is only defined as something silly like 5 hours in a row so I guess by midnight he has officially slept through night.) Why shouldn't we be there to comfort him when he is scared and lonely and help him learn how to fall back asleep in a safe and loving environment?

This may seem more than obvious to many, and some of you may have checked the "neurotic" box and stopped reading this by now. But, this was a huge epiphany for me in my parenting journey. Perfection is a myth. One-size-fits-all is ridiculous. And one day, one week, one month does not a lifetime make.

So now, this is what most nights are like.

1. 7-8pm Bedtime.
2. Between 11 and 1am. First wake up. Dustin goes and sleeps with Jaden on a mattress by his crib.
3. Between 2 and 3 Ali relieves Dustin.
4. 7 am Wake-up.

That's it. Most nights there are no tears on anyone's part. Most days we all wake up rested. It feels so good. However, I still am too gun-shy to snap a photo at 2am of Dustin and Jaden cuddling together on the floor of Jaden's room. That just seems silly.