Giving Thanks

Jaden will have three moms in his life. I think a lot about all three of these moms on a daily basis: his first mother, his foster mother and me. I think about these three moms so much. I will meet his foster mother soon. She has taken care of him every day since he was just a tiny, tiny baby. She knows his cries when he is hungry, she took care of him this fall when he was sick, and she is preparing to say good-bye to him in the next few weeks. I want to write her a letter to have translated into Korean. I want to tell her how much peace her love and care has brought to my husband and I during these torturous weeks waiting to meet our son. I want to tell her thank you.

I may or may not ever meet Jaden's first mother -- his birthmother. Her story is one I cannot imagine, but her life will be linked forever to mine. I do not want to trivialize or minimalize her decisions and sacrifices by speculating what may or may not have been. But, I do want to recognize that I think of her daily. She knew Jaden from the beginning, and has given us a son to love for a lifetime. Our gratitude for this is indescribable.

Over the past two weeks, I feel like I have started identifying as a mother. There is no rulebook here -- becoming a mother through adoption. I am overcome with excitement, fear, love, amazement, and awe simultaneously. I'm going to be Jaden's mom. I don't want to let his other two down.