Lions, and Tigers, and ...Zebras!

Put it on the calendar. Yesterday was our first trip to The Zoo. Regular readers (I'm sure there are thousands) may recall that my mom made an amazing animal quilt for Jaden's bedroom. Jaden talks to those animals every day in his special animal voice. This voice is very gentle -- to the point that it almost sounds like he is cooing. He made that same sound yesterday when he saw the zebra, the giraffe, the monkeys, the tiger, the lion, and on and on. Pretty cute.

In contrast (although equally as cute) my friend's kids had roars and growls for the big cats in particular. That seemed a little more appropriate for the animals that could eat us in a blink of an eye.

One more adorable and appropriate thing were the shoes worn by my friend's daughter. I guess he told her that it would be a good idea to wear tennis shoes to the zoo, but she snuck out of the house in her sparkle shoes -- little glittery flats. I think they were perfect.

All in all, it was a good day.

A Brief Moment

Dustin stuck around this morning and prepared Jaden's breakfast. He went upstairs and changed the nasty morning diaper. He brought the warm and snuggly little worm to me in the kitchen. Jaden was still dressed in his onesie/pajamas. Then Dustin had to go to work. As he picked up his briefcase and gave Jaden a little kiss and hug Jaden said, clear as a bell, "Bye, Dada."

And that is how this Monday morning melted my heart.

The Morning Show

For the entire summer we have had a visitor for breakfast. A goldfinch.* Who thinks he can perch on the plant by our dining room window that happens to be (much to his frustration) inside. Every morning he flies up to the window and pecks, and pecks and pecks. Of course Jaden finds this entertaining, but not soley because of the bird's antics. This bird has some competition for the bottom of the IQ totem pole...our cat. While the bird thinks he can get inside, our cat is bound determined that he can actually catch the bird through the window. Alan has a special meow which he reserves only for his pretend bird-catching moments that sounds eerily like a cackle. It is plain strange. So he sits on the window sill and cackles at the bird thinking he actually has a shot at a mouthful of feathers. The bird really doesn't seem bothered. Perhaps the glass pane is first on his lists of things to conquer before he takes on the ten pound gray rodent. Who knows. Regardless of it all, Jaden is mesmerized each day around 7 am by the show. TV be damned**, this is a much better way to spend our time each morning.

*Which happen to be the Iowa state bird. I used to think they were magical and that they cheered for Iowa because they are black and gold.
**at least until 9 am

Sunday C.O.P.*

Dustin and I used to live Out West. It was no big deal to pack up on a Sunday morning, drive for less than an hour, and hike in the foothills of the Sierras for the better part of a day. None of this happened, of course, until after we had slept as much as we'd wanted, caught up on the news, and been properly caffeinated.

Now we live in the Midwest. And weekend mornings aren't quite what they used to be. I tell myself on Friday and Saturday nights that I will get! up! early! in order to have some pre-Jaden time with our coffee pot and some reading material. Without fail, I am still in bed when Jaden lets his desires known that it is time for him and his crib to part ways. From then, as with each weekday, it is game-on for this toddler. He knows nothing of "relaxing" weekend mornings vs. the standard chaos of weekday mornings. In fact, weekends are twice the fun because both mom and dad are there for the taking.

Yesterday we took the bull by the horns and decided to take an hour drive to do what we used to do -- hike. And -- aside from the screaming in the car, the mosquitoes, the extra 30 pounds on Dustin's back, and the distinct lack of mountains -- it was just like old times.

*Change Of Pace. As named by the husband.

Bottles Suck

(I wrote this last week, and then the vacation/staycation occurred, and now I'm getting around to publishing this.)

This kind of hurts.

Jaden just had his last bottle. He will be 15 months old soon. He has been drinking out of a sippy cup since he was 11 months old. Still, we (I) kept his bedtime bottle. Feeding Jaden a bottle is one of the greatest privileges I've had as his parent (and I'm not just saying this to be overly saptastic.) It made him happy, still, content and cuddly each time he had one. It made me feel closer to him than any other time of day. When we first met he had a bottle five times a day, with once being at 2 am. Then four, then three...you get the picture. Since he turned a year old it has only been one bottle...just before bed...in the rocking chair...with me (almost exclusively.) Now it is none.

I would have let him keep it for a while longer, but he doesn't want it. He is done and I need to listen. I missed 8 months of bottle-feeding Jaden. That makes me very sad. I really grieve not knowing Jaden as a young infant. I don't know what else to say. There is no way around this with the Korean-American adoption system. The wait from referral time to travel time keeps getting longer, and our next child will likely be nearly a year old when we go to meet him/her. When we went through pre-adoption classes we did some exercises on the grief and loss surrounding adoption (including examples from birthparents, adoptive parents, and adopted children). Our class came up with many examples from our own perspectives. I clearly remember my contribution to the discussion was that I would miss my baby's infancy.

Upon becoming a parent I've become intimately familiar with the term bittersweet. My heart bursts with pride when Jaden meets milestones, but also breaks a little each time too. This one is a little harder than some others. But that is okay. I wouldn't trade it.

Dear Everyone

There seems to be some sort of consensus amongst those who love my husband that he is still not getting enough potatoes in his life. This is despite the fact that I have had new resolve since becoming a parent to make more potatoes. While visiting my sister on our staycation she and her husband both voiced concerns. They proceeded to make garlic mashed potatoes for my birthday dinner (granted, it was with my blessing...I'm just really generous like that.) On our way home from my sister's we stayed at my parent's house for a night. They tried to send home about 15 pounds of new red potatoes and emphasized the need for poor Dustin to get some of them in his belly. We took home a bag full. As I write this those pototoes are on the stovetop (picture = evidence.) Dustin may or may not have just said, "Don't burn my damned potatoes," when I was busy typing this post. They may or may not be a little "crispy" which is beside the point. They are potatoes. From my parent's garden. With rosemary and garlic. And only Dustin will consume these tonight. So I am pretty much an awesome wife. And those who love Dustin can sleep a little more easily tonight.

Welcome Home!

Dear Aunt Teresa,

I heard that you were in that place where there are no toys, few windows and no pantries to empty out each day. That must have been hard. I heard you got those pokey things put in your body, and that you still have a lot of questions about why your body does not feel very good right now. I heard that somehow you still are being funny and that you don't want a cat.

Beings that I'm 15 months old, I don't have much understanding of these grown-up things. But I do know that when I see you on Monday I would really like to get a big hug from you. I'd like to play with my cousins if that is alright with you. I know Caleb is bigger than me, so you may have to pick me up every now and again.

When I get old, I get the feeling from my mom that I will learn a lot from you. For now all I can offer you is some of my food (usually after I chew it) and a slobbery kiss on your shoulder. I hope this doesn't downplay how much you are loved by all in your life.

Your nephew